Well, rant/spilling my mind as much as an update.
Life sucks right now. Not because someone I know is ill, or because my parents have run out of money, or anything generally classified as a major issue. It sucks because of school and of just people in general. Don't get me wrong, this is by no means a name or shame, and as far as I know this journal doesn't apply to a deviantARTist who is or was following me.
So, here comes my big problem that's causing me grief - I don't fit in. Yup, it's really that simple. But yet, it's so unpleasant and painful that I legitimately feel the need to tell the internet of the plight that so many people experience.
Exams are stressful like hell, and I still have two months to go until I have them. Jeez, how am I not grey already? I got one mark off of a B grade in Psychology, which was unpleasant and I will be resitting it. That was stressy man, parents did not like that shit.
The other bit is fitting in. Imagine walking into school and knowing that maybe 4 people in the whole year will talk to you, mostly unprompted. Imagine that people you actually consider your friends make it a thing to avoid you, but when you joke about it they tell you to shut up. Imagine getting on Facebook when you get home and knowing that almost no one will talk to you unless you talk to them first but they'll cut off a conversation. Imagine getting on Skype and wishing that someone might strike up conversation
All that, although at parts a little hyperbolic, pretty much sums up how I feel right now. It sucks bigstyle. Like, gaping chasm of angst and bad feelings style. By no means am I deprived, unintelligent, underprivileged or poor. I have nice parents and siblings and the friends I do have aren't bad people. It's a very small circle of girls I could name on one hand but nonetheless I legitimately love all of them as sisters for what they've said to stop me becoming some sociopath haha. Then there are my friends, where most, if not all, of the dA people I talk to reside. And then there's everyone else. The people who, intentionally or not, make me feel so alone. Like.I can't fit into society. Man, it's a rough patch right now and it's gonna be a long one.
If anything, that's been on my chest and hopefully provides people a bit more insight into what people, particularly myself, are thinking. This could apply to you, or a friend of yours. I've got growing up to do, because I know it'll end soon enough when I reach uni, I just need to get there first haha. My advice for anyone who may have read this is talk to people you trust. Tell them how you feel. After all, how you feel is the centre of your universe, don't let it grow out of control and consume everything else like some super crazy ass black hole.